Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
