WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
