mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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