ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
