i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
