I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Someone shit on the floor
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
