Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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