no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
