that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
