Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
