i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she smelled like a LAN party
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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