woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
