I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
