If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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