Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
