are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
