I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My dick has a subreddit
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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