I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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