I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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