You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
