my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
