i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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