Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
