the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
