I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
