pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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