do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
