Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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