Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
