Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
