So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
