He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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