lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
