So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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