why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
