why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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