nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
