I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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