just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
