Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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