My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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