i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
