he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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