I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
