my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
