Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
