The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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