your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
