nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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