Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I will be naked everywhere
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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