she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
