So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
