I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
